hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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