WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So vagazzling was a success
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
