is your mom at the bar?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
