why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
