dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
