You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize