its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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