NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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