If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
