I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Semen is not good for contacts.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
