I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
