It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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