Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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