Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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