Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
