i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
