I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sorry about my life...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
