I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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