I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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