Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
