i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just pee around me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Randomize
