This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
