my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
