dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
