our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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