you guys were way drunker than both of me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
