So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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