I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
