I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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