My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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