i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
