I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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