My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
