tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
