Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
