I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He felt like a one man threesome
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
