I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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