I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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