what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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