that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
