I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
