and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
