So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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