Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
