Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
