I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We need to get me chipped asap
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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