O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
