It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
