whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
