Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Reggie can tackle my bush.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
