Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
