no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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