Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
These tits shall not be calmed
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
