Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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