meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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