i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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