just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
