Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
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Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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Why can't burritos get me drunk
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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