every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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