we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
