do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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