apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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