I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
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I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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