I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
