the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
